by Melinda Gates
From a young age I was paralyzed by fear, anxiety and a deep sense of shame and discontent. Unable to tolerate what was happening and how I was feeling each moment, I became hardened to life as a way of protecting myself. I resisted everything under the sun – including the sun! I developed melanoma and an autoimmune response to sunlight, and I suffered from the darkness of depression and addiction.
After years of searching, believing the next doctor, teacher, book or spiritual practice could give me the joy, peace and freedom I craved, I wondered, “How much more work will it take before I find what I’m seeking?” My endless searching provided intermittent relief, but I longed to feel consistently whole and content.
I now know that the one thing I lacked was a deeper intimacy with this moment. My resistance to how life was showing up, not anxiety, fear, or shame, was the real cause of my suffering. I was never “broken;” life simply brought experiences, feelings and thoughts that were painful. Afraid to accept and feel them, I unwittingly prolonged my search – and my pain.
What does this mean for you? It could mean that the things you have been seeking are well within reach. Life always provides opportunity for growth right now.
The key for me, and perhaps for you, has been a willingness to fully be with what I am experiencing at any moment, not avoiding, denying or seeking some therapy to make it go away. As we let go of resistance to what life brings, we are expanded and transformed.
Our seeking is always an attempt to avoid the pain we fear this moment holds. When we face our fears, however, the perceived threats can dissolve. Any feeling fully felt enables it to rise through the transformative power of our presence. This enlarges us into the felt sense of wholeness we have been seeking.
This new understanding awakens you to the possibility each moment offers. You will find yourself increasingly present. Celebrate this expanded awareness, no matter what you might be feeling. Gently turn from the ongoing chatter of thoughts and story by embracing the sensations and feelings in your body. They may be uncomfortable; it’s okay. Simply feel the sensations; it’s all just energy moving. It will move.
Whatever your experience, silently affirm, Yes, this too is allowed. As you align with life, you discover that what you’ve been seeking is always here and now.
MELINDA GATES is the owner of “Awakening to Yes” bodywork, coaching and counseling. Her passion is helping people move from struggle to freedom, one conscious choice at a time. She has been a Rosen Method Bodywork™ practitioner since 1998. In 2013 she was initiated to transmit Grace as a Divine Openings™ Guide. MelindaGates@awakeningtoyes.com, www.awakeningtoyes.com.